Lie number two: “My expectations are realistic.”
They’ve decided that because they’re so special and because they require special treatment, they’re the best, and you owe it to them to demonstrate your deference. So they can’t be happy, and they’re always in this state of justification and rationalization about why they’re correct and you’re incorrect. And doing that blurs their negative self-concept. It’s like, “No, I’m realistic. You’re not. You just don’t see life like I do.” And I say that is true but not the way they mean it.
Lie number three: They believe, “When I screw up, it can’t be my fault.”
There are occasions when narcissists will screw up, blunder, or misjudge so badly that everyone can see and it’s evident. But then they’ll be back shortly and say, “Well, I’ve got an excuse. I can explain the whole thing,” and that excuse is: “It’s your fault.” They’ll make themselves an excuse, do blame-shifting, etc. They cannot be accountable to themselves, and it must always be someone else’s fault. It’s just too painful for them to say, “Yes, I’m not perfect. I’m imperfect, and I have a great deal of things on the inside that I could get better at.” They can’t do that.
Lie number four: They say to themselves, “There’s no need for me to make an effort to understand you.”
Narcissists have already decided way in advance, even before you arrived, that when there’s them and when there’s you, they’re the smart one, and you’re the dumb one. So, they’re thinking, “All I have to do when I’m in a relationship with you is to get you under my control.” And then, when you appear and say, “Well, I have feelings, points of view, and interpretations that you could learn from,” the answer is, “No, I don’t think that’s part of the equation. You need to know me. I don’t need to know you.” So, there’s a lot of discounting going on no empathy.
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