And then, when you needed them the most, they failed to show. I felt most betrayed by my family when my mother joined sides with my psychopathic, narcissistic father during the final confrontation and wanted everything to just revert to normal again so she wouldn’t have to deal with any hassle or consequences. God did this betrayal for a reason. He was clearing your path, as he was mine. He was revealing to you who never should have been in your life.
As hard as that was, he was showing you that true love doesn’t depart. True love doesn’t prioritize convenience over integrity. True love doesn’t glance back at your lowest point. This test shattered you. But it also cleansed your sphere, and now nobody remaining in your life is there by chance.
Number 4: The night of the soul.
The largest and most terrorizing test. The night of the soul is the complete breakdown point the point at which everything falls apart, and all you have left is yourself. It is not sorrow or despair. It is a shattering of every notion you ever held about the world and yourself. It’s where there’s no more illusion, no hope that never was to hold onto only raw, naked pain. Pain that makes you wish to be unseen. Rock bottom. The kind of pain that makes you wonder why you’re still living. And only escape is through. My rock bottom was when I survived my narcissistic roommate, severe health problems got triggered, and I attempted to kill myself because I didn’t think I could handle it anymore.
This is the test that almost kills you, but doesn’t, because even in hopelessness, even while drowning in hopelessness, something inside of you will not die. Something old, something unbeatable a light of another sort. It’s the part of you that was never really touched by the narcissist, the part of you that belongs to God alone. I’m telling you that because I felt it then. When I knew it, it was like everything recontextualized itself. It’s like you’re stuck with so many awakenings about everything, and your values change.
The higher being allows you to fall into this type of darkness not to ruin you, but to rebuild you. He brought you down to the bottom so you would finally understand the truth: nobody is going to save you. And that’s because you shouldn’t have been saved. You should’ve saved yourself, just like I did.
I was completely dependent on physicians psychiatrists, neurologists, and gastroenterologists before that. Nobody was providing me with the solutions that I needed. They tested, questioned, and then administered me a few pills, just kind of saying, “It’ll go away. Don’t make something out of it.
You may also want to read this:
Once the Narcissist Hurts a Loyal Woman, She Will Never Be The Same
What Happens To Narcissists When They Get Older?
Continue reading on the next page
Sharing Is Caring!
