Number 3: Set limits that are both visible and firmly anchored.
Not having any limits is the same as killing yourself. I understand how challenging it is to set limits with a narcissist, but it is in your best interest to do so. You need to do everything it takes to reign in this wild animal. Your antagonist is a narcissist who also happens to be a jerk and an asshole; because if you get into them, they will expand the centimeter into a meter.
If you give them an inch, they’ll fill it with something else. If they can’t respect your space, keep making it clear that you won’t give it up easily. You’re laying the groundwork for a lot of pain in your own life. You can’t rely on them to respect your majesty. Don’t waste your time expecting anything from a narcissist. If you decide to visit, it is up to your own discretion, and the safety of your children.
They will consistently turn out each day of the week without regard for anyone or anything else. They will return to your house as if nothing has changed, making themselves at home and treating you as they did before. Determine the root cause of your inability to establish limits and work from there.
The only way to effectively say “no,” and keep the narcissist away, is to identify and address the underlying cause of your inability to do so. Also, if possible, establish boundaries to make it clear what sorts of conduct you will and will not tolerate. For bad behavior, make them pay the price.
Try not to be too precious about efficiency. In this case, forgiveness is completely out of the question. If you’re divorcing and sharing custody of your children, make sure they know how to reach you and how often they can see the kids.
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