3. It’s designed that way
Another reason why covert abuse so often feels like love is because it’s that way by design. A covert narcissist is much more likely to apologize than their overt or grandiose counterparts. Now, you won’t always get an apology from a covert narcissist but some actually rely heavily on the apology to help them get away with whatever behavior they want.
This apology, just like the idealization or the love bombing, feels sincere and you want to believe them. Naturally, you want to believe them because you want this to work. But you also want to believe them because it feels so sincere. When they’re coming back and apologizing, you’re sensing the desperation, the loss they’re feeling but again, it doesn’t mean what you want it to mean.
There is a sense of loss they have lost your supply. Narcissists are not good at regulating their own emotional state because they’re so out of touch with their emotions. So, when they don’t have supply to help them regulate, to prop up their false sense of self, they feel like they’re spiraling out of control. And there might be desperation there but while you’ll want to attribute that to how amazing you are and the connection you share, that’s not what’s happening.
When the covert narcissist apologizes, what they’re really saying is:
- “I’m sorry I lost this supply.”
- “I’m sorry I got caught, and I’ll say anything to get back to where I need to be.”
4. They fake empathy (until they don’t)
Another reason why covert narcissist abuse feels like love is because the covert narcissist is really good at faking empathy until they’re not. You might find a covert narcissist in a position where empathy is important a pastor, a therapist, a social worker. The covert narcissist likes to play on empathy, but they don’t have as much as they pretend.
You may also want to read this:
Words That Destroy a Narcissist
9 Secrets ALL Narcissists Keep
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