Depending on where they fall on the spectrum, they may have a little empathy or almost none. But either way, they’re usually good at faking it when they want to. And because of their position, you might think: “They must be empathetic they wouldn’t be here if they weren’t.”
So, automatically, if someone is in a position of power where empathy is expected, you’re not likely to question it. But even if they’re not in such a role, we’re not in the habit of questioning people’s empathy unless it feels really off.
Early in the relationship, there may be times when their empathy seems a little strange your intuition might light up, saying: “Something’s wrong here.” But because we don’t usually question empathy, we brush it off.
It’s usually not until you’re in dire need of emotional support that you realize how deficient they truly are. If they don’t have anything to gain in that moment, their empathy disappears. They don’t see a reason to support you unless it benefits them.
Eventually, you will notice this but early on, in small doses, we tend to excuse it: “Oh, they were just having a bad day.” We make excuses because we want to believe people are good.
5. The intensity makes it feel like love
Finally, another reason why covert narcissist abuse feels like love is because of the intensity behind it. I’ve talked about this with love bombing and apologies but ultimately, the relationship feels like an emotional roller coaster. The highs are so high that you think: “This person must love me.”
Even though you know it’s dysfunctional, part of you feels like you could fix them, fix the relationship. You don’t want to leave because the highs feel so good. And again it is intense, but it’s not what you think.
Read More: How Narcissistic Abuse Damages Your Brain?
Sharing Is Caring!
