A time came in my life when my father spent money on my college education. The same person who would not even spend a dime to, let’s say, get me some shoes or clothes. He was a miser who always loved to hold money, earn it, but hide it from us. And then he started spending thousands, which made me feel guilty. One day, I asked him, “Don’t you feel bad for spending this money on me? I feel so much guilt.” With a smirk on his face, he goes on to say, “Don’t worry about that. It’s like I’m giving you a loan. I’m going to get it back with interest.” He said, “You are like my bank account. I’m putting money in it because whatever I am putting in, I’m going to get it back.”
At that time, I felt seen I don’t know, approved because I could not get the depth of financial evil he was plotting for me. But I can look back and understand he meant every word of it. Later on, when I had my last fight with him, he went on to say, “I wish I had spent that money on prostitution than on you. At least I would’ve enjoyed it.” Can you imagine? Do you understand how that brain works?
So, me leaving and creating my own life, creating my financial freedom, was his entrapment. It was a failure for him because I was supposed to work like a donkey, earn, and hand it over to him. And he would have the power to distribute the money my earned money. He would then decide what to do with it. That was his expectation. But because I did not live up to that, I robbed him of that freedom.
Number 2: When you stop suffering, when you stop caving in when you stop being subservient, and you stand tall for yourself, you set non-negotiables with yourself, and you operate from an authentic place. That is when they feel duped. But why so? The expectation is that you should always live under their thumb. You should always let them puppeteer you. You should let them pull those strings. In simple words, they have to be the ones dictating how your life goes career-wise, relationship-wise, and in all ways possible.
But when you stand tall, when you take your power back, when you reclaim your life and you say, “No, I am individuating. I’m not going to play the game in the name of maintaining this relationship. I am going to do what I think is right for me,” that is when they feel duped. They’ll tell you, “Oh, it’s wrong. It’s going to get you nowhere. Very soon, a time will come in your life when you will feel helpless and come begging me. But at that time, I won’t be here to help you.” These are the exact words my mother used to tell me every single time I would set some boundaries or do what I liked, what I thought was right for me.
You may also want to read this:
6 Secrets ALL Narcissists Keep
How to Spot a Narcissist in Conversation?
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