Number 4: When you find a reliable support system for you that could be the next partner, that could be your partner if you are a child of a narcissistic parent they feel duped. They feel deceived. Most importantly, they feel replaced. Why? They self-gaslight and believe they were the most important ones. Without their presence, without their involvement in your life, it’s going to fall apart.
But when they see you moving on with a healthy person, when you find a partner for yourself and the choice is not influenced by your narcissistic parents or that narcissistic partner in any way, and you get treated well, you get supported well, they see you grow. That is when they feel a lot of shame, but they process it as your betrayal. “Oh yeah, we know you have so-and-so in your life now. You don’t need us, do you?”
This is precisely what my narcissistic mother did when I found my support system out of my narcissistic family. The people who were trying to uplift me, who were supporting me, were put down and devalued in the worst way possible. My mother told me, out of her arrogance, that the person who doesn’t even deserve to be my footwear is the person of top priority in your life. “What a disappointment you are. What a failure of a son you are.” And then she put it as, “Oh, I said it out of rage. I did not mean it.” Of course, she’s a covert narcissist. She knows her tricks. But that was a big confession. That is how they see it when they are replaced.
When you move on in your life, you grow, your health becomes better, and these people do not take advantage of you. They do not use you as a doormat. They do not walk over you. They do not trample you under their feet. That is when the narcissist feels they have done something wrong.
You may also want to read this:
Words That Destroy a Narcissist
9 Secrets ALL Narcissists Keep
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