Number 4: They create a crisis just to see if you’ll drop everything for them.
It doesn’t come with a warning. One moment, everything seems normal, and the next, they’re spiraling. They might go silent for hours. They might send a vague, alarming message that something terrible just happened. They might suddenly say they can’t do this anymore or that everything is falling apart. And while it appears they’re collapsing, what they’re doing is observing, not because they need support, but because they need validation. Validation that your focus is theirs, that you’ll cancel your day, reschedule your life, leave your responsibilities behind, and sprint toward their disaster before you even know what’s real and what’s not. It’s not about the crisis; it’s about how you respond.
They bring the storm in just to see how fast you jump in. And the minute you do, they’re running things, because now they know it takes one emotional outburst to stop your entire world. They don’t need to say anything; they just need to fold on you and allow your guilt, your compassion, your wiring to flow through them. And when you respond in that way, they just come back to that plan. The turmoil becomes the new norm.
You find yourself existing in a heightened state of emotional vigilance – always ready for the next breakdown, the next disappearing act, the next call for help. They’ve conditioned you to work their pain like it’s your responsibility to do the fixin’. And in the process of doing that, they show you how to surrender yourself in the name of being good to them.
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