Number 2: S£x as performance and distraction
You sensed something when they touched you. You thought that they sensed it too. But the reality is that, while you were melting in their arms, they were performing, playing, in disguise. For them, s£x is performance, a means to an end, a way. It might have been profound and electric initially. But with time, you noticed the transition. The spark began to fade. The intensity was muffled. The frequency slowed. You weren’t delusional. They bore quickly. Because, unlike emotionally mature individuals who employ s£x to increase connection, narcissists employ s£x to shift focus away from themselves and from their shame, as well, from their emptiness. Once the high wears off, they lose interest.
It is a career, something they suffer through or use as a weapon when it is convenient. And for somatic s£xual narcissists, for body-enslaved ones, s£x is an experience of height. They use it not out of love, not out of enjoyment, not out of intimacy, but to fill themselves up. They will continue to look for new highs, new bodies, new obsessions, but they never reach them. Because what they are truly avoiding is not in the bedroom. It is in the mirror. It is the loneliness that they will not acknowledge, the inadequacy that they do not admit exists, the self-hatred that they attempt to conceal behind orgasms and sweat.
They enjoy the way they make you feel, but they feel nothing. That’s why, when you lie there afterwards, searching for eyes, waiting to be kissed, aching for tenderness, you receive coldness, distance, occasionally brutality. You sense that you have been used and soiled, along with that unspeakable. That is not in your head. You were used, you weren’t loved. You were merely a stage for their spectacle. And as soon as the curtains are closed, they’re gone.
You may also want to read this:
7 Signs That A Narcissist Is Done With You
What Happens To Narcissists When They Get Older?
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