Number 5: Fantasizing about others
They’re fantasizing about other people even when they’re with you. You might be in bed alongside them, naked body and soul, and they’ll still be somewhere else, someone else on their mind with their friend, your friend thinking of some other face, some other body, some other situation. You can sense it, can’t you? Their emotional distance, that remoteness, that hollow gaze. Even when they’re within you, they’re nowhere because you mean nothing to them. You’re a prop, a means to an end, a puppet in their fantasy world. One of the most insidious, the deepest narcissistic secrets is this: They crave novelty to become turned on. Not novelty in love or relationship but novelty in objectification.
They require new abilities, new fantasies to control. And then you get noticed, once you’ve turned human to them, then they begin dissociating. They cease to communicate. They begin watching adult videos behind your back adult videos. They begin texting strangers straight up. They begin hoarding fantasies like trophies. Some get played out; some merely mentally used like pornographic content. And when they sleep with you, they’re not thinking about you anyway. They are thinking about somebody else. Possibly a coworker.
Possibly a former boyfriend or girlfriend. Sometimes it’s even a character out of a novel. But barely ever, is it you because to behold you would be to behold your soul, to feel true love. And that they cannot.”. They don’t wish to because if they ever, ever really saw you, they would be out of control. They prefer being in control to being intimate. That is why you get to feel a ghost sometimes, affecting the way you exist yet not doing so, affecting how your body touches you and yet not touched by your heart, affecting as you are used yet not looked at.
That is, again, not something that you have imagined. That is the narcissist’s world. They are never completely with you, not emotionally, psychologically, or in intimacy. And the closer you get, the farther away they become because true connection is threatening to a narcissist. True intimacy means vulnerability. A narcissist, see, does not live in vulnerability. They pretend it. They act it out. But they do not truly inhabit it.
Read More: 5 Secret Ways Narcissists Tests Your Loyalty
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