Sign 3: Breaking down your personality
Number three, they start breaking down your personality through shame and constant criticism. Over time, they introduce subtle but deeply cutting criticisms. They may joke about your body, compare you to other people, and suggest that your se**x drive is too low. But it does not stop there.
They may start pushing boundaries invisibly, bringing up uncomfortable fantasies, like wanting to add more people into your se**xual experiences, something you may not be okay with. When you hesitate or express discomfort, they dismiss it as you being boring or close-minded, which is why I said “invisibly.”
They may even use humor as a weapon. I’ve seen that they’ll call you degrading se**xual names and reduce you to nothing more than an object. What starts as teasing soon becomes humiliation masked as a joke. They create a dynamic where your value is deeply tied to how far you’re willing to go to please them, even if it crosses your boundaries.
And when you resist, they frame your resistance as the problem. As time passes, you stop feeling like a partner and start feeling like a used toy, numb and disconnected. You feel like you are there to meet their fantasies, but your own needs, desires, and boundaries do not matter.
The sensuality that once existed disappears, replaced by cold, mechanical acts where you are left feeling degraded and empty because they just rub their body against you and then leave you there after the act. The shame that comes from that creeps in slowly, but it’s very powerful.
You begin to believe that you are the problem, that you are too self-conscious, that you need to change somehow when they should be the one thinking that. They do not just shame you for how you act or look; they shame you for having needs and desires. They make you feel like your very nature is flawed somehow.
Over time, this erodes your confidence and makes you more dependent on their approval than anything else. They make themselves the judge of your worth. Can you believe that? You start seeking validation from the same person who destroys you every single day.
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