Number 2: Subtle invalidations, fixing their appearance
They alter their attitude every time you talk to them, and initially, it doesn’t seem like anything unusual. If you look beyond the surface, you know that it’s their subtle way of informing you that you don’t deserve their attention and time. You’re providing your heart, being vulnerable with your hurt, opening up your deepest wounds, reaching out for a connection, and what do they do? They roll their collar, yawn, comb their hair, glance in the mirror, check their mobile, glance over your shoulder, roll their sleeves, twiddle with their face, anything all within sight of your presence.
It leaves you feeling so unimportant, as though your feelings are not even worth considering. And should you ever get the audacity to confront them about it, they dismiss it with apology. They inform you they’re distracted, exhausted, or busy “so done with your shenanigans.” The problem is, they require you to believe it. You consider perhaps the timing was simply awful, but then you begin to realize a pattern. They never become distracted when they’re talking. You observe, when they wish to drive a point home, when they require your undivided attention, they insist on it, and they receive it. But when you’re next up, something changes.
Their vibe is off in the distance, correct? Their eyes glaze, their attention wanders off, and in an instant, you’re in the way, like your voice is ambient chatter, like you’re not supposed to be there. What they’re doing is voiceless invalidation. It’s a kind of nonverbal communication where you don’t exist. You’re not deserving enough to be seen. Your thoughts aren’t worth interrupting. Their expression is more valuable than your reality. And this, naturally, isn’t an accident; it’s control. They know precisely how it impacts you, even though they never say it. Each time they do, they’re communicating without words. Guess what it is? “You’re not interesting. You’re not impressive.”.
You’re not worth my full self.” And that becomes your life over time. It moves in. You begin to talk less. You cut your thoughts short. You hesitate before you say anything. You doubt your timing, your tone, your content automatically not because what you are saying is bad, but because you’ve learned to assume nobody cares about you. You equate your own voice with disruption. You start to feel like you’re annoying someone whenever you are speaking, because this person would rather behold themselves in a mirror than watch you.
You may also want to read this:
Words That Destroy a Narcissist
9 Secrets ALL Narcissists Keep
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