Number 3: Public struggles and pretended ignorance
Narcissists make you try in public and pretend they can’t see it. You’ve got too much on your plate, maybe groceries, maybe your child, maybe your entire nervous system steadied by a thread, and they simply stand there, knowing, capable, and choosing to do nothing. You’re trying to get a door open, keep everything going on while you manage, and remain in one piece. What do they do? They watch. They don’t do it because they’re busy; they do it because they want you to feel the weight. And here’s the kicker: the same narcissist who won’t even glance in your direction when they’re shutting you down will turn around and assist a total stranger at the grocery store whose card was declined in real life.
They’ll act sweet in public just to prove how wonderful they are, but when it’s you who is hurting, they turn away. And then on a deeper level, sure, sometimes even they enjoy watching you fall apart when you’re under stress, thus sadistic supply. Because the minute you do have a problem and they don’t make it stop, it’s not just physical, it’s emotional exposure. You’re not just exhausted, you’re humiliated. You’re being exposed out there in full sight of other human beings, and it gets agonizingly clear to everybody around you: this human being does not care about you. They’re all just waiting to see you drown with hands in pockets.
And then, as everyone watches, perhaps they wonder to themselves, “Why are you doing all this alone? Why are you keeping the mess from falling apart while the narcissist just stands there detached, uninvolved, untouched by the work you’re doing? It gnaws at your dignity in the moment, to an audience who don’t even know they’re witnessing anything. But the real agony is what goes on in the invisible crumple within your chest. It’s the unseenslump. It’s the heartbreak that wells in when your inner child leans over and whispers, “Please help me. Please, please show up.”.
Please be the one person who’s got my back.” And instead, they glance at you like you’re a stranger or worse, like your exhaustion is an annoyance.
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