Number 3: Punishing through food
Number three: They will use food to punish you without saying a word. This one is dark. It is one of those things that seem minor until you have experienced it over and over again to realize it’s not a coincidence but a tactic. Narcissists do not always shout or slam doors when they’re mad at you. Sometimes, they just make your life uncomfortable quietly, repeatedly. One of the ways they do this is through cooking. They will deliberately do something inedible: too much chili, no seasoning at all, undercooked chicken, a mushy salad and they will act like everything is fine.
You will take a bite and wonder, “Uh, what happened here?” But if you say anything, they will outright deny it or act offended. “I guess nothing I do is ever good enough for you, is it?” Or worse, they’ll mock you: “They didn’t realize your palate was that sensitive.” It’s not a mistake; it’s a message. You upset them, and this is your consequence. But it is delivered so covertly that if you try to call it out, you look like the crazy one. They are punishing you in a way no one else can see. And that is exactly the point.
Number 4: Future faking with food
Number four: They future-fake you through food. This one took me a long time to recognize. Back when I hadn’t yet seen through the mask when I still hoped things could change, my mother would often use food to reel me in emotionally. She would say things like, “Oh, I’ve been planning to make your favorite dish and those dried tomatoes you love. I might even try that dessert you mentioned the other day.” She would say all of this in front of others, of course, especially people who still saw her as the sweet, generous woman she pretended to be.
They would smile. I would feel a twinge of warmth maybe even guilt for pulling away emotionally. “Maybe she is trying,” I would think. But then I would show up, and nothing would be made. Can you believe that? Sometimes, not even a drink of water is offered. She would act surprised I even expected anything, or she would flip it around and say, “I know my son. I know he will eat anything I cook for him with love. Won’t you?” And then, like a dog, I would go, “Yes, mom.” That’s how she had groomed me to be her puppy.
What I eventually realized is that it wasn’t about the food. It was about control. She made promises to pull me close, build anticipation, and make me let my guard down, only to disappoint me again. And in front of others, she still looked like she tried. It is such a subtle tactic, but it is effective because it breaks your ability to trust. It makes you feel foolish for hoping.
You may also want to read this:
Words That Destroy a Narcissist
9 Secrets ALL Narcissists Keep
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