Number 3: when they are somebody that they had once tainted beginning to thrive in the public arena.
That was when the narcissist’s voice trembled. “There is this girl,” he said. “I told everybody that she was manipulative. I drove her mad. But now she is slaying. Everybody adores her. She is on TV nowadays.” He hesitated. “It is like none of what I did counted for anything.” That’s it. That was the agony. No conscience, no shame complete disregard. Smeared of a person is a psychic assassination for the narcissist. No closure, no justice. It’s not even about lying.
It’s about extinguishing someone else’s light so one’s darkness does not reveal itself. But then that individual reappears again, not only alive but shining, it is like a resurrection a slap from God in the face to all that the narcissist sought to destroy. It wipes out the one authority they believe they hold with them: the authority to determine how others will be perceived. You can say, “Didn’t this conversation get under your skin because the narcissist was being so perceptive and was sharing with you?” It did not because, when I entered the session and noticed I was talking to an anonymous narcissist, I decided. None of it was about me.
It was a chance to see into the predator’s mind and watch how they think. What was incredible, though, was the degree of awareness of how conscious this individual was, but how that consciousness didn’t serve them. I told him, “If you know right from wrong if you know that this is not what you’re supposed to do, why are you continuing to do it?” And he shrugged and said, “That’s who I am.” And I have heard that from so many narcissists that I have had the opportunity to talk to.
“That’s who I am. I cannot be a contradiction to myself. That is what is right to me, and it gives me a sense of relief that I cannot have by doing the right thing. That is dull. It does not give me a thrill. This is thrilling. The thrill that I have from a perceived penalty is much more desirable than simply keeping my mouth closed and not saying anything at all.”
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