Number 3: Self-hate.
These children are picked specifically as a scapegoat when they remind the narcissist of themselves before they became who they are today. Most narcissists want people to believe they are confident and so sure of themselves when in reality, they self-loathe more than anyone else in the family. They take the feelings of hate and self-disgust and they project all of the areas where they lack onto the child.
The narcissist can’t let people know that they hate themselves so they project their feelings onto the child so they are not the only ones who feel that way. The child is usually a victim of a vicious cycle that will keep repeating if they do not see the situation for what it is: self-abuse. It can make narcissists feel better about themselves if someone else feels the same pain as them, but it doesn’t change how they feel about certain areas of themselves.
You may also want to read this:
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Number 4: They want to avoid adult responsibility.
When a child is chosen as the scapegoat in the family, many times the adult burden is placed on them as well, such as being blamed and shamed if the parents can’t do something or can’t pay their bills. They want the child to feel as though it is their responsibility now to take care of the house since everything is going wrong. They project these adult responsibilities onto the child as an escape mechanism from dealing with their real-life problems. It can be used to help with coping with the stress of life.
These children are chosen to receive all of the built-up stress that the adults can’t seem to handle anymore. These children learn to handle their stress in dangerous ways. They believe that now instead of learning how to control and handle their stress, they have to pick someone to receive and handle the stress for them. They will also learn that it is okay to put on a fake identity to impress others. By that, we mean that the narcissist puts on a front to make others believe they are being themselves all of the time and they don’t have any worries. The child will then create a fake identity that they will use to seek approval from the narcissist.
The child may also find themselves taking on a parenting role for other children in the house to please the narcissist. When they are made to believe they are not good enough, they tend to take on bigger roles in the home to gain the approval of the narcissist.
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