Number 3: don’t care how they see you
This is where most people get stuck in the obsession with the image. You want them to know they were wrong. You want them to know you were good. You want them to regret how they treated you. You want them to see your worth. But as I explained earlier, they won’t. And even if they do, they’ll never admit it because they don’t care. Because admitting it means facing their darkness, it means surrendering control, it means handing you your dignity back, and they won’t do that willingly.
So let them misunderstand you. Let them twist your intentions, your words. Let them smear your name, call you crazy, make you out to be the villain. Let them create whatever version of you they need to justify their behavior. You no longer care, period. Because the moment you stop needing to be seen clearly by someone who can’t see themselves, who only sees through a distorted lens, you get your power back.
You become untouchable because you’re no longer trying to manage their perception. You’re living, and that burns them in ways you’ll never see. Because their entire identity was built on controlling how you see yourself and how the world sees them. Now you let go of both, and that kind of freedom makes their games collapse. They were always playing to an audience, and you’ve walked out of the theater.
Number 4: Stop explaining yourself
Narcissists feed on confusion, not just theirs, yours. The more you try to explain your intentions, the more they twist them. The more you try to be understood, the more misunderstood you feel. You keep trying to have normal conversations with someone who isn’t normal, who isn’t operating in good faith, someone who hears what they want, twists what you say, and throws your words back at you like weapons. And yet you keep trying because you’re a good person. After all, you care. After all, you have a moral compass.
After all, you think if you just say it the right way, maybe they’ll finally get it. But I promise you, they won’t. They don’t misunderstand you because you’re unclear; they misunderstand you because they want to misunderstand you. Why? Because it benefits them to do so. It gives them the upper hand. It keeps you explaining, it keeps you in the loop, it keeps you trying. You don’t need to defend your choices.
You don’t need to justify your boundaries. You don’t need to convince someone of your worth. Let them be confused. Let them think what they want. Let them believe whatever lies they’ve told themselves. You’re not living for their understanding anymore; you’re living for your peace. And nothing kills the narcissist’s control faster than your refusal to play that endless game of justification.
You may also want to read this:
Words That Destroy a Narcissist
9 Secrets ALL Narcissists Keep
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