Rather than face this, they prefer the fantasy because, in the fantasy, they are flawless. In the fantasy, life is under their control. In the fantasy, they’re not vulnerable or broken. But reality always finds a way in, doesn’t it? And when it does, they feel wounded. They’re exposed and left furious. So the cycle repeats. Ultimately, they idealize, devalue, and discard, and what comes next for them? Escape. They are escapists.
At first, the narcissist idealizes you. You are the answer to their fantasy. You are perfect in their eyes. You are the person who will finally fill their void and complete the image they have of an ideal life. And it feels intoxicating, like you found something rare, something real. They shower you with attention, praise, and affection. It feels like a dream come true. But it is a dream built on illusion. Why? Because you are a human being, which means you have flaws. You have needs. You have moments of vulnerability. And that’s what they do not expect you to have. The moment those imperfections show, the narcissist’s illusion cracks.
The person that you are in reality does not match the idealized snapshot of you they have captured in their head, which then ultimately leads to the development of cracks in their illusion. And you know one thing about narcissists: they do not like cracks at all. They have to hide it. They have to contain it well. They do not pause to reflect or repair. They do not try to understand or accept. They do not compromise. Instead, they begin to devalue subtly at first. Little criticisms, small jabs that feel off but are easy to dismiss. Moments of coldness, emotional distance. Eventually, everything becomes more overt harsh comparisons, dismissive attitudes. Suddenly, you’re no longer enough. And this is where the “grass is greener” syndrome kicks in.
You may also want to read this:
6 Secrets ALL Narcissists Keep
How to Spot a Narcissist in Conversation?
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