You cause maximum confusion by being the exact opposite of what they expected. They expected to destroy you, so be radiant. They expected your world to fall apart, so build something new. They expected to be your last heartbreak, so thrive in ways they never imagined. They expected your energy to be bitter, so make it peaceful. They expected a storm, so give them nothing but stillness.
This does not mean pretending it didn’t hurt. You’re not denying your pain; you’re simply denying them the stage. You are refusing to audition for a role they wrote for you. You are choosing to grieve in private, to rebuild without giving them a front-row seat to your breakdown. And that refusal does something horrifying to them. It forces them to sit with their hollowness.
The narcissist needs to project at all times, always. They need a scapegoat. They need someone else’s emotion to drown out their own. When they cannot provoke you, they are left with their noise, and it is loud. All the insecurity, all the shame, and all the childhood wounds they never faced, all the fear of being nothing they surface, they start bubbling, and they have nowhere to run.
They will try to bait you again, subtly, through a fake apology, through someone else you know, their games, through a post aimed at you, through passive-aggressive texts, through sudden kindness. Please don’t fall for it. If they can get you to break your calm, if they can make you react, they can feel real again, relevant, powerful. And if you do not, they start to spiral.
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